“You are the not the boss of me” is something I have to remind myself on a sometimes minute by minute basis. Especially when I’m writing. There is a little voice that creeps into my head and steals the joy of creating by maliciously whispering about my wrongness, my lack, and inability to see things properly. The voice sits outside the arena in her comfy chair judging every single move I make while I’m fighting for freedom from the negativity, fighting to speak my truth, shine brighter and embody my human experience.
But the feeling of “settled” never comes. The fear of “won’t I appear selfish if I take care of myself first?” always pops up when I hear that inner guidance system we’re all equipped with kindly ask for a nap, some solitude, a drink with a friend, or some hot sex in the middle of the afternoon.
Inner Guidance is far more compelling than whatever is happening outside.
The more I listen, the more I respect myself, my desires and following them. I know what a boundary is and create them when necessary. I enjoy the pleasure of my own company more often, and when I’m with friends, I laugh more, freely shared my opinion, my experience and feelings.
This spirit is the maker of ideas and inspiration. She whispers the words to write. She tells the negative voices to get the fuck out of my bedroom, my uterus, and body.
She takes pleasure in her physical form, marveling at everything her body is capable of.
I get to love who I want, do what I want, and be what I want with the understanding that I’ll get to experience even more love and shiny feelings one day at a time, reversing the negative thought processes one step at a time. At the end of the day, all we have is our relationship with ourselves.
Living by my own rules is way more fun than living by someone else’s.