Her stomach is wrapped up in knots vacillating over whether or not she’s going to ask him one more time for sex. If she asks, she feels he’ll resent her, because she’s one more thing pulling on him, vying for his attention. If she doesn’t ask, then she’s stuck with this incessant wanting that builds and builds until it erupts at some random moment like when he’s making breakfast and doesn’t bother to put away the dishes he uses. The explosive force of her anger over something seemingly trivial, takes her by surprise and sets off a chain reaction of anger and resentment.
She doesn’t know how to make it clear how much she wants, loves and adores him. Guilt pours over her every time she asks him for sex because she knows how much he needs space and time to himself. Her mind rarely reaches for him anymore when she once again is taking care of herself with her own hand. It hurts too much thinking about someone who consistently rejects her.
What is she supposed to do? Someone else? Be patient and wait, hoping he’ll come around? Intellectually she understands that we don’t get one hundred percent of what we need in another person. His gentle kindness, overflowing affection, as well as his uncanny ability to support her and his sense of humor has kept her enthralled with him. That should be enough right?
Leaving results in finding someone else with other issues to dance with. Nothing is perfect, but the incessant questions of should she leave, or stay, open the relationship, or no, plague her mind. When she’s still and quiet, she hears an intuitive voice telling her to just be where she is in this moment, be patient and still so the answers she needs can come. She doesn’t have to worry about the future, or compare today to last year. She keeps looking around inside, asking herself questions in search of the bottom of the issue.
She continues to come back to the same question over and over. Is love enough?