“It was unfuckingbelivable! I don’t even know where to start.” I reach for the mug of mint tea, on my coffee table.
Paige has been my bestest since fifth grade. It all started when she shared her glittery stickers with me on the first day of school. We’re now in our late thirties and despite living clear across the country from each other, we still make a point to have a weekly Skype date at 7pm her time, and 10pm my time.
“Ok. So we went to dinner at this fabulous Indian place we’ve been wanting to try and,”
“Not that beginning! Get to the good stuff!” she gestures as if to say “speed up” with one hand while taking a huge bite of a red velvet cupcake.
“Are you eating a cupcake right now?!” I laugh.
“Bitches gotta eat!” she replies with her mouth full. “Get to talking, and none of this about dinner and amazing conversation.” She covers her mouth with her hand. “I wanna know about this no longer elusive orgasm you speak of.”
“What? You don’t like foreplay?” I smirk.
I had been seeing David for a few months and had been having earth shattering sex. I walked around in a perpetual state of being turned on. From the way he looked at me, to the sound of his voice, to the firm gentleness of his touch, I was falling in love.
And after years of not coming from oral sex, I finally did.
“I can’t come from oral sex, just so you know.” I said to him one afternoon while his head was between my legs. Maybe the timing of that wasn’t the greatest, but he had been working pretty hard down there, and I didn’t want him to think he had to stay. I was always more concerned with my partners’ comfort than my own pleasure.
“What do you mean?” he asked, propping his face against my inner thigh.
“It’s never happened. I can have orgasms, just not from that. I enjoy it though, so please don’t stop, but I don’t expect you to make me come.”
“One of these days you will.” he said, stroking the outside of my thigh.
They all wanted to be the one to crack my code. Hell, I wanted it too, but had resolved to it just being a thing about myself I would have to accept.
“I believe that, I just don’t know how to communicate what to do to help the process along.”
“I’m patient.” he grinned and returned to licking my clit.
I run my hand through my cropped brown hair feeling nervous and shy all the sudden even though this is Paige and I’ve told her everything always.
“What are you thinking?” Paige asks.
“I don’t know, I’m just nervous I guess.”
“Girl, it’s me. I’m really happy for you, but if you don’t want to tell me now, or if you want to talk about it later, it’s all good.” she takes another bite of cupcake, a bit of icing sticking to the corner of her mouth.
“You have icing on your mouth.” I point to the corner of my own mouth.
She licks it in an exaggerated manner. “Did I get it?”
“You did! OK.” I sigh drawing my knees to my chest. “So. We’re making out at my place and of course it’s awesome. He pulls my leggings down along with my underwear, pushes me against the wall and goes to town on my bits.”
“Mmm…happythankyoumoreplease…” Paige licks icing off her fingers.
“Right? He’s all grabbing my ass and devouring me like he’s having second dinner and it’s not too hard, or anything, just his entire mouth on me and I want to lose my mind.”
“I’m going to come just from listening. Go on.”
I laugh. “I stand there marveling at how insanely gorgeous he is when I get the idea to grind on his face. I kept running my fingers through his hair and I think at one point, I wrapped a leg around him or something. It was fucking hot. Just looking at him down there with my pussy lips all over his mouth was enough to get me close.”
I reach for my mug and take a long sip of now lukewarm tea. “I wish I could describe his mouth better. There’s something about that is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before. It’s like he’s making out with my lady parts. It’s not just getting pelted with a tongue tip.”
“Oh yeah. Like when they lick you with this hard pointy thing that no long feels like a tongue, but like getting poked with a wet finger or something.”
“That’s gross, but exactly! I tell him I want to lie down on the bed and we make our way there while kissing and taking off more clothes.”
I watch David in my mind’s eye, reliving the feeling of his chest beneath my palms, the tightening of his fingers on my nipples, his mouth against mine and the smell of me on his breath. I could stare at him for hours, never tiring of how much adoration I felt for him.
“He goes back to licking me, his mouth moving against me like he’s making out with my cunt. I was moving my hips against his face to increase the pressure a little. I don’t usually do that with people. I feel stunned into motionless most of the time because I never know when I’m going to get some jolt of electricity exploding through my clit or something.”
“Seriously, I have no idea why they think pounding the clit is the way to go. Maybe there are girls out there who like a lot of pressure, but I’m not that girl.” Paige says, finishing off the last of her cupcake.
“Yes! It takes me out of the moment when there is too much focus there. So I’m pretty much fucking his face and I feel like I’m going to come, like the sensation is building and then it goes away.”
“Weird.” Paige’s eyebrows furrow and she props her face on her hand.
“I know! This has happened before with him and it’s so frustrating. It ended up happening two more times. I was imagining what his tongue was doing down there. He would pinch my nipples every now and then which was so good, but yeah, it was like my body was teasing me with the idea of coming without the actual release.”
I had a partner tell me once that if I wanted it badly enough, I could come. It felt disempowering because of course I wanted it. I was frustrated and felt like an oddball for not being able to come when most of the girls I knew could only come from oral sex. It made me feel like I was disconnected from my body, with no map as to how to get back.
“He stops and says ‘I really want to make you come.” And I say “I really want to come, but again, no pressure. I’m not expecting anything.’ Maybe it was the stopping that broke the pressure or the thought, but the instant he put his mouth back on me, I knew it was going to happen.”
“My God, this is so awesome.” Paige scoots herself to the edge of her couch, her face getting closer to the screen.
“He keeps going and again, I feel this building and building of what could possibly be an orgasm for real. I kept moving against him, and increasing the pressure on my own. I figured if I did it myself, I could stay in control and back off when I needed to.”
“Fuck yes to all of this.”
I giggle and say “A weird thing happened. While he was down there, I started to see how I wouldn’t allow myself to truly relax and enjoy receiving, like I didn’t deserve it. I literally heard “it’s ok to let go” in my mind and then it happened. I came so fucking hard. It was unlike any kind of orgasm I had ever experienced. He kept going while I was losing my mind and making all the noise, afraid I was going to shatter the windows or something before I returned to reality.”
I was getting wet again telling this to Paige and delighting in seeing her reaction, her parted lips and glazed expression.
“Girl. I’m so fucking happy for you and I want to hear more awesome things about David, but I need to rub one out.” she exhales, fanning her face.
After our goodbyes, I shut my iPad down, and slid my hand under the waistband of my leggings deciding to give myself one more orgasm before bed.